Pissed Off by Tat BITCH

It was actually a fine day until this Bitch (Boss PA) start to indirectly "suan" and "poke" me during her conversation with my senior whom is sitting beside me so she meant to say it to me to hear. The relations between me and her have been always fluctuating after series of events. The last devastating email which I sent to my colleague (whom we then after fell apart but still talking about work yesterday) cc to the others mentioning the unauthorised use of my email and people including that bitch using my table for her plants; didn't seemed to affect her that much but today the way she treat me totally changed. I suspect it was because of her msg yesterday asking me to buy coffee. Am I at fault? Why am I always getting all the unfair treatment?

Whats Wrong with My Life

Its Wednesday. 3rd Working Day after my 4 days Refresher. 

Today am on MC. 

Took MC to rest at home and at the same time sort out my thoughts on work. Stay On and push through for another 6 months and end of my contract OR Move-On with my life to a better place. Before today my mind has been telling me to just move-on. Perhaps the sick and tired feeling of here that I felt 3 months back has once awaken through events that happened last week. Didn't know what I am doing at work, how am I helping in this company as my role and etc. Problem lies in how do I fit into this environment which I have finding since Day 1. 

Since my return after that incident last week, everything has changed internally within my department. Communication totally stopped between me and that girl which still pissed me off but I like the current situation. Things which I have bottled up had been release, no more require to hold back and give her face anymore. But I hate the sucky feel for the past 2 days. Things they do with reference to my email content last week truely draw the line clear. Even today when I'm on MC, my boss PA specially sms me to tell me boss asked her to place drawings on my table for my reference. My senior whom had always been borrowing my calculator from time to time had this time borrow from my boss PA instead. Small gestures as such are very much detectable by someone who is so sensitive like me. What had I did wrong? It was nothing of my fault, I just merely declared these issues that have been always there bothering me which none seem to react to my comments. With reference to that incident last week, my boss and senior chose to end it as per it is and not talk about it. I didn't feel good at all, all of these reactions appear to me that its my fault.

Seeing all these, I just totally gave up. Like what I mentioned last week, no more trust in anyone. Do what I am only asked to do and nothing more. Only do what is rightfully and do not help others (her) in works she did not do. If they chose not to react to wrongful acts (like her) then I shall follow what she does. Like being 20-30mins late (She was late for 1 hr yesterday), Leave on-the-dot, only attend meeting if I am required. Determination of this shall come from instruction by Boss / Senior, otherwise no instruction, I will just stay at my sit. Still seeking for answers.....

Pissed Off Monday-Tuesday

Had been damn pissed off with the acts of my colleague whom I have asked for her help to send out calenders but end up in a big MESS. Having refresher course and trying to react to the replies from various parties due to her misused of my email to send calender has kept me very busy with work for whole Monday. Unforgivable act. Emailed to complain and felt worst, my boss and senior doesn't seem to be standing on my side. Disappointing and gave up. No more trust in anyone at work. Heart Death.

Sent on Monday Night

As mentioned over the phone this morning, I am very pissed off on what had been done today with the use of my email to send out calendar without my authorization. I have to deal with all the mess created (Email replies from various parties like QS, AES, client and etc) the whole day throughout my reservice and even getting calls from client in the evening just because the calendar was sent out under my Name.

For your information, Personal emails are very sensitive and I believe before going off on Monday I only allow you to assess my computer for files and definitely I did not agree for you to use or even open my mailbox. I am not dealing this personal BUT I do not ALLOW such mistakes to occur. I had to even come back all the way from Yishun to deal with this. I have changed my Computer Password and WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE to open my computer with my permission after this incident.

Dear ALL

Please refrain from using my desk for your office or personal things. If really required, please clear EVERYTHING before I come back or else I will dump everything to the rubbish bin if I see it when I am back.

Reply from My Snr

Ren He

Understand your frustration, but the only way to alter the calender is through the initatior, my fault, I should not have ask you to calender out for me since I knew you are going for reservist. Problem occurs also due to last minutes changes, that's why have to change again. And also, please rest assure that we are not out there to mess up your table. I did borrow your calculator cause use in meetings, I put back into your drawer but might not be the correct position, aceept my apologize. No more writing of emails, please, we can talk again when you are back. Enjoy your training.

Reply from Me

The initial calenders sent on Mon by me for the usual Tue and Wed Meeting have already been cancelled on Mon after it was commented. Those sent yesterday were ALL NEW.

Its my mistake to give her my com password and believe in anyone, I have learn my lesson and this will never happen again.

Reply from My Boss

Hello folk- following up just a call to each other and use your own email to send out, please do not use each other computer unless I am aware.

Please do not use each other email for work.

Reply from Her

I have used Ren He’s computer upon his request to help out and he is aware with agreement when he gives me his password.

I am not able to make changes thru my computer as I am not the initiator of the calendar for this meeting. At the same time, I did not receive any emails from Patrick with regards to the changes of timing (only after Ren He sms me that I realized there is changes requested) as such I have to use his computer.

However, after several changes to the calendar, I have decided to use my computer instead as not to confuse the matter further.

I just felt disappointed as I’m just doing my part as a colleague to help upon request and yet this is what I deserve for helping.

Reply from My Boss

Ok noted  in future any changes just go out from your own computer.

Tired. Gave up with eveyone. Start Looking again.......

Emo or Not?

Had this weird feeling again on events happened today. 

1st was screaming over the phone to Standard Chartered Card Officer for reminding me for payment a day before DUE...(w.t.f. AXS & SAM need 2 days to process payment, calling me at 4plus isn't it too late?? And received call last week to inform me that I need to pay another $100 to meet the minimum payment for month of Sept'11 and Oct'11 will only be out on 22nd. I had proceed with the payment already and today inform me my Oct'11 bill is due TOMORROW !! Screamed at the lady officer opposite the phone and said I am NOT GOING TO PAY FOR THE LATE FEES DUE TO YOUR FAULT.

2nd issue was receiving message from a friend that requested for my resume to be sent to her for her senior to see. I had already sent it to their HR 3 weeks back and no news since. The purpose of asking me to send in my resume directly is because her senior do not want foreigner and prefer locals. Their HR had selected a foreigner and the senior is not pleased with it. Well after cooling down for a few hours, I still find no reason why I am seemed to be a "replacement" or sort of. And its my 2nd try, 1st was 2 years back. Just find that they are not sincer to hire people and is wasting my time. I do not think I deserve to be treated as a "replacement" in any way. In addition I am not in that urgent condition to look for job and will not take up such offer even so. Well perhaps this is the least amount of self confidence I have in myself. And had mentioned to my friend I will NEVER TRY YOUR COMPANY AGAIN. 2 times of disappointment is enough. For the moment I will be staying put in this job till further notice I guess. 

Work Peaking Up

Its already End September, 3 months to end of 2011. Entering 5th Month at work but am not feeling any better in fitting into this environment as of 5 mths back. I still doubt that day will never come. As work flow gradually increased, Life at work is getting tiring and tons more of stress. Still am telling myself to hang-in there. Its just 1 Year and will do, everything will end in just 7 more months. But these 7 months are filled with lots of fear and doubt which I don't know if I can overcome. Praying hard I will bah.

3 months

1st Day after my 3 months and I have received my name card !! Hohoh efficient HR, mentioned name card to be ready once confirm and there it goes...wala...hahah..

CONFIRMED

Today received my advance confirmation from my boss. Advance because she will be away next 2 weeks on leave hence had to pass me the letter in advance. Simple as that.

Been Confirmed didn't seemed to be "That" happy as I thought I should be. I was actually pretty disappointed that there wasn't any increment in this "Confirmation" like what my HR previously mentioned that they would adjust if performance good. So does it mean that my performance not good? Or just got cheated? That I don't know. The thing I know clearly is I'm like a balloon, still floating and forecast I will be in that mode throughout my contract. It seems like during these "Wonderful days" I am already in a LOST, when the "Stormy days" come in a few day's time, I will LOST in the mids of no where. 

Talking about future, I really don't know what the outcome will be after this job. Will I career path and options have more selections? 

What I know is that, no form of increment throughout my contract period, a pro-rated / zero 13th mth / bonus and an unclear future ahead. Had been questioning myself to all these on and off. Should I go through my 3rd Probation period in 2011? Very sian right to hear that? Thats how I felt. But at this moment there doesn't seemed to be any good offers in the market at this moment that I can choose so I just have to stay on. 

Knowing the rough pay range of my colleague entering the same period as me just puzzled me and causing certain level of disturbance. Well well this is why I didn't like to ask and tell anything on pay matters, psychological disturbance.

THINKING..

I had been thinking of lots of matters over the past 2 weeks. Things that do with my life (the life I am living now) and career.

Almost reaching the age of 28 in few months time but sometimes I still felt that I don't consider things as an adult. Looking back at how I spend my life so far is totally of not much of planning. Perhaps I really need to worry of my future or in time to come when I am 35 what would I have accomplished. Different people set different goals like saving XXX dollars by age when, getting married by age XX and etc. To me my life seems to be in a mess and am always in 'Lost' mode whereby I do not know what am I doing. Perhaps I need to re-focus my life on something, some target to keep myself from getting 'Lost'. Had been spending my life the last 5 yrs to recover what I have missed out in my past 23 yrs...Perhaps this is not what it should be. Guess my 1st target would still be getting myself out from debts (loans and etc). 

Almost reaching my 5th year of work. What have I accomplished at work? Health deteriorate due to work. Pay hitting 3k mark. What else? Really couldn't figure out what else. I don't know when did I start to have the reluctancy of working, time at work always seemed to be so torturing that I felt like taking MC / leave to escape from work. I have been jumping to my 5th company already and what have I learnt from my mistakes? Nothing much but having bad habits like Spending money like water when not feeling good or Taking MC / Leaves to escape from problems at work. Should really put things back into place as it should be and get my butt moving from getting fat.

UNHAPPY

Super Emo today once again today, had the feel of bursting to tears at work.  Am I not working hard enough? Do I deserve these? I really wonder. I really don't like to force myself to hyper mode everyday doing things that I don't understand why am I doing. Felt so tired and drained.......

EMO AGAIN.......

Its NATIONAL DAY and I am stuck at home doing OT......
Didn't understand why is my life like this
Put in lot of effort to try to get things right but it just seems like this is not to my control.
Had that "FEEL" again......its getting stronger everytime I felt that things don't go to what I expected it to be.
Almost 5 yrs of work already but why am I still feeling so hard to adjust to the working world?

Love and Hate of Work

Its been a week plus at new workplace. Got used to the site location, transport and food differences. But still having lots of areas everyday that I am trying hard to get "USED TO" or hack care perhaps. People here are even MORE COMPLICATED than all my past working experiences. From Internal to External parties, all so new to me and yet so DANGEROUS. Very careful of my "Steps" at work yet felt been STEPPED all over especially by externals. A week plus and I have expressed my uncomfortable feeling to this environment, have expressed my anger not once but thrice on externals. Have asked myself did I not manage my EQ properly again? It doesn't seems so. My boss mentioned today I have put up that shy feel and don't talk much. Perhaps thats why she have been taking extra care in me. Thanks alot for the patience everyone put in. But keeping myself in that mode is to observe people around to determine their behaviour and understanding the basics of my role at work before commenting further that my knowledge is lack of. Although its only 5-days of work every week but it seems like everyday is a war day. Felt so tired mentally and physically after a day's of work. Had to stay very alert of things around, things that I do, people around and etc. It truely feels like 1 day = 1 week of work. Everything moving so fast that I am battling myself on how much information that I can absorb everyday. My work will be totally messed up if wouldn't for the help of my team members around, some cheering me when I am stressed up or depressed, telling my grievances at work to my boss, guiding me around at work, and lots more. Depressed, Tired but Happy having this unique working experience.

1st Day of Work

1st day of work. Everything seems so new and felt refreshed. Starting to learn from scratch, although today didn't really tough much on. The induction took up half a day already and was ???? thoughout. So confused about all the staffs and etc. But one thing for sure, they are very strict in work matters therefore I should not be talking any work related stuffs on Facebook, outside and etc. In the last part of the day, travelled down to site office. The half day seems quite enjoying, my team members are super friendly. Having a buddy (senior) and a nanny (my manager PA) taking care for me. Hope everything goes out well...

Day between Last & 1st Day

Enjoyed my day today....

Movie @ Shaw Lido (Dylan Dog)

Shopping @ ION Orchard (bought 1 Puma Polo-T & 2 River Island Shirt) ...hoho love GSS + Shopping

Hair Cut @ JP 

Gym @ Safra ~ Cancelled cause too tired. 

1st Day tomorrow and I need to travel back to HQ @ Marina Square for Induction (half day) then down to RWS. 

Decision Time

I have accepted the new job offer although still waiting for the letter to be ready for signing but here I am thinking whether to tender now (today) or when I actually signed the letter (to be safe) but then I will not have much resting time. Although I don't know if I need any of those time to "cleanse" myself to welcome the new environment. At this point I have actually prepared the letter already but still thinking if its time. I have been doing nothing for the 2nd day and felt so slack. Below will be the place I will be next. Hopefully it will be fantastic and wonderful.

http://www.dpa.com.sg/SG076

Another Week

Another week has past, I have stucked here for 2 WHOLE MONTHS already......gosh...time really passes very FAST. How I would have time stops at a point I wanted. After 2 months here I received my name card...I was like -_-lll

Throughout these 2 months only being to 2 interview (1 contractor, 1 consultant). Keeping fingers cross on the coming one on thursday. 

JOB HUNTING

Its been a while since I resumed back my job hunting. There hasn't been much movements near to 2 months. Well I am still looking forward although had been thinking about past working experiences. Yesterday went for an interview at RWS. Throughout the interview, everything seems ok. Even after the interview it still seems ok. But how big is the chances I got? I won't know and after my last interview experience, I won't have that much confidence in getting the job. During the last interview, I had that much of high confidence in getting the deal but end up felt like been fooled. Just hope for the best, at least the job scope in yesterday's interview seems more to what I wanted, compared to the earlier interview. Fingers crossed.

Jobs

Just contacted another Jobs agency on my job applications. It has been weeks since my 1st application and till now only 2 calls and 1 interview. The response has been very low. Till now I have already submitted over 15 job application (9 to public sectors). Hoping for good news.

The call earlier asked on my reason of leaving my current and previous job. The last question was if I am willing to work 5.5 days, no alterate saturdays. My answer is NO. This time round I will obviously only find jobs that are BETTER in terms of pay and benefits which include working hours also lah. Crazy to find jobs of the same. Just log-in to the career portal for public sector jobs and saw one of my job application 'In Process', hope for good news.

Something SPOILED AGAIN thanks to that girl

Its been almost a year since she has been staying here. My life became so restricted, can't do this and that. Due to her irregular working hours, my mum and my life got affected. Just realised the plastic cover to my fridge compartment is broken !! That compartment only put her food nia so it must be her who didn't close that cover properly and slam the fridge door. First was the door lock, then my mum's room's electrical switch, then this. Gosh she is only paying merely $100 per month with water and electricity included. Clothings are also washed by my mum. Good Life loh. Previously had ask my mum to tell her not to waste electricity (She always turn on the appliances in living room but person inside bedroom), then was the hair dryer (After using didn't turn off the button) and still dare to show back face to my mum. Look at what type of girl she is. Terrible. Think the day that she will be chased out will soon come.

Eyes

Eyes feel so sore especially last night, tearing. I wonder maybe is the stuffs I put on my face before sleep and accidentally rub it into my eyes or could be my room too dusty or the slight irritation during the day has lead to this. Gosh better recover fast. Heading off in 3 days.....

Hah. Other than that I realised my contact lens stock is finishing. I am only left with 2 weeks (1 pair). Hmm need to hunt for new lens again. The existing brand abit too ex although I bought in JB but its the exact same price as my normal ones in Singapore but only last 2 weeks per len. Hm...had been trying a few brands but couldn't get the correct one so far. Eyes too dry so giving my hell lots of problem. Ok shall keep hunting....and consider if wana go JB to get it or just in Singapore will do. (50% difference)

Counting Down

Haha a good rest makes me feel happy. Counting down to my Cameron Highlands in 4 days and Show's Encore concert in less than 2 week's time. Hahahah

Energizer Night Trail 2011

Saturday completed my very first Night Trail. It was XIONG during the "Hiking" but SHIOK after the run and PAIN till today down my legs and lower back. Mixed FEEL-ings.

Just did a count and realised I have joined 8 runs already this year, total of 137km to clear. And have completed 34km. Haha so happy....more to go. Wonder if I will hit the 200km mark in 2011. We shall wait and see. Boring people like me only got runs and photography so giving all out on these. Hahh.

1) 10th Apr (Sun) - 2XU Compression Run ~ 12km (Cleared)
2) 17th Apr (Sun) - Run 350 ~ 10km (Cleared)
3) 30th Apr (Sat) - Energizer Singapore Night Trail ~ 12km (Cleared)
4) 21st May (Sat) - Passion Run ~ 25km
5) 28th May (Sat) - Sundown Marathon ~ 42km
6) 12th Jun (Sun) - Mizuno Mount Faber Run ~ 10km
7) 10th Jul (Sun) - Jurong Lake Run (Walk actually) ~ 5km
8) 23th Jul (Sat) - Marina21k ~ 21km
* Safra Bay Run / Army Half Marathon - 21km (Maybe not joining)
* Nike Run - 10km (Waiting for registration to open)
* Standard Chartered Marathon - 10km/21km/42km (Considering)

Looking forward for this weekend

After this very boring weekend, I have something / somethings to look forward to this weekend. Haha.
1) My Cameron Holiday (3 days 2 nights)
2) GE result.

Long Holiday

My past 3 days of non-working days feel so shiok.....althought I had spent 2 full days staying at home doing simply nothing only either sleeping or camping infront of my computer to watch online video in youtube. Super boring but instead of re-energized...I felt energy drained instead...gosh.

Opening

Left my Old Blog. Starting this new one from today onwards seeking for happiness.