Why must I always be the one to be considerate in the family?
Just some time ago, I had been told to pack rice for my brother if I know he is not working and is at home and to pay the internet fees for him. Reason been that he is my brother and I earn more than him. So I had furthered my studies for higher pay just to support another person. So what have I done wrong? The only thing I did was to be more considerate and not create any problems in the family to my mum since young, doing all the housework while she work, cooking meals for him & his friends, preparing breakfast for my mum, changing things like TV, Audio, blu-ray and etc; and all these brought me more problems than happiness.
I had already given up hope trying to be like normal kids/ people around since I start to understand life. No matter how hard I try, it will just not work out to be it is. Growing up in a Single-Parent family has already been tough but I have went through it and surviving but the next phrase of my life after I have grown up will be harder and harder financially. I have long given up the thought of setting up my own family after my army life when I had gone out to work and understands how hard it is to set up a family when my own will burden me forever. And perhaps I never want to start any relationship and cause burden to another person/family. With the personality of mum whom isn't keen to take actions to make life better but choose to complain this and that and a brother whom had been always putting the blame on everyone in the family for his messed up life and sick body. Who really cares of what I am thinking and what my plans were? No one is interested and I am getting tired year after year and hoping the end will be near to relieve me from all these. Perhaps I am not strong enough and do not earn enough like bankers, brokers, insurance agents, property agents and etc but what I know is that I had put in the same amount of effort like them in my job and striving hard to change my life but this age, I am exhausted already. Living a short life could be better. Perhaps I have chose to run away from problems but these aren't things that I can resolve or make any difference.
